All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

“What were you thinking” was a response I was very familiar with. I’ve had so many “what were you thinking” moments it would be impossible to count them.

When I was in elementary school my family lived in an apartment. I can’t remember why but I was home alone. To make a long story short, while I was home alone, I started my training to become the fifth ninja turtle. One of my training drills was to master the art of throwing a Chinese star. There was only one problem. I was fresh out of Chinese stars. So I grabbed the next best thing, a sharp pair of scissors. My objective was to hit a couch pillow in the living room while standing in the kitchen. Due to the handicap of having scissors instead of Chinese stars my imaginary Sensei let me move closer to the pillow.

I had a solid 20 minutes of practice before the thought of consequences had crossed my mind. So I flipped the pillow over to hide the evidence but it wasn’t long before I was busted. I can still hear my mom say, “Danny, what were you thinking”. To tell you the truth I wasn’t. I was also a 4^th grader at home alone. Mom, what were YOU thinking?

Anyway... It was actually a news article that inspired me to write this. Click here to see it.

At a local shopping mall in Lithonia, Georgia hundreds of people were waiting in line for hours to be owners of the newest pair of Nike retro Air Jordan’s. The “Nike Air Jordan Concords” were selling for $180. Only a limited number get sent to each store so if they run out then you wont get a pair. Police were there at 4am to keep the crowd under control. The morning resulted in a busted mall door and the police making several arrests. One of them was a young mother of two children who left her 5 and 2 year old in the car while she waited in line.

The same question has to be scrolling through all of our minds.

“What were you thinking”?

There is something very wrong when shoes are valued over our children.


  

Out of these ashes, we will rise

I have been supporting a friend through his struggle with depression. Let me tell you that this has been difficult for me. I want to give him my perspective on what he needs to do but the truth is that I’m not a counselor and I’m not trained to know what he needs right now. I really want him to have hope and get better so when he doesn’t seem to be making progress I can get frustrated at times. I’m a pastor so I give him my perspective on God and what God thinks about him. As long as I stay focused on being helpful and not being the one that helps him I think it will be more helpful. I have to realize that it's not my job to change him but I can be changed.

I always try to remind myself of the good things before we get together. I’m going to try and keep his mind off of depression and on the positive things in life. I believe through encouragement, love, time, laughter, smiles, and prayer God will draw him closer in and turn his depression into joy.

Have you ever been down the road of depression?
If someone walked you through depression what did that person do that was helpful?
If you have been where I am what tips do you have for me?

Philippians 4:8-9

“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

Good Grief

We are bad at letting grief take its course. The process of grieving can be very uncomfortable. Who wants to feel the pain or face the realities that it brings? Death is probably the one thing that causes this to surface most. Death is a reality that we would love to emotionally avoid but we can’t. It’s easy to rationalize the pain away for most things that go wrong in life but death slaps you in the face when you try to ignore it. Like a bully taunting you to fight he wont back off. You can’t pretend anymore. This post is about the reality of grief and the benefits of its punches.

In Judaism they funeral process is a weeklong mourning period for the close relatives of the deceased. The Hebrew word "shiva" means "seven", and the official shiva period is seven days. On day seven, shiva generally ends in the morning and the community walks the mourners around the block. Those who are grieving would sit on low stools, or even the floor, symbolic of the emotional reality of being "brought low" by the grief.

When visiting someone grieving no greetings are exchanged and visitors wait for the mourners to initiate conversation out of respect. If they don’t talk then the visitors remain silent. Once engaged in conversation by the mourners, it is appropriate for visitors to talk about the deceased, sharing stories of his or her life. Upon leaving the shiva house, visitors recite a traditional phrase: "May Heaven comfort you”.

Have you ever sat shiva with someone you love?

I love my girlfriend so much. I’m not even going to try and explain this because no words could do justice. I’m walking with her through a grieving process right now. Here is a description of our first interaction since finding out that her stepfather passed away.

As I walked in the diner I noticed her eyes were a little red and she looked really tired. I can tell it must have been a rough night for her. Her stepfather just passed away less than 24 hours ago. We had talked over the phone but I knew the first face-to-face interaction would be emotional. We didn’t even look at the menus for more than 20 seconds before both of us looked up at each other. My eyes actually started watering before her eyes. We felt it, both of us. We were grieving together and we didn’t even have to speak a word. As I placed my hand on top of hers I could tell. I knew in my heart that she felt pain, loss, confusion, uncertainty, and exhaustion. I didn’t say anything because there was nothing to say. We sat in silence.  

If you’re like me you want to avoid that awkward feeling like the plague. Something I’m learning through this experience is that you have to let it take its course. Grief will scream at you in the silence but you have to let it. The most comforting thing during grief is to know that you’re not alone. So just sit. If they fall to the ground, fall with them. If they want to talk, listen and be responsive to them. If they just want you around be there. NEVER make sense of their grief through your experience and perspective. Just sit. Let them go through shiva and your presence will comfort their grief.