Here comes the Bride

I'm 11 days away from watching my bride walk down one of the most expensive pieces of fabric I will ever rent. It sounds crazy but I bought an extra toothbrush to keep by my bathroom sink so I could be reminded when I brush my teeth that all the little things I'm used to are about to change. In our first 6 months to a year my knowledge of Molly is going to increase so much more than I can imagine. I'm going to find out things like if she puts her bath towel in the hamper after one use or hangs it up in the bathroom for multiple uses like me. Over the years I will learn all of her idiosyncrasies and she will learn all of mine. I have no idea what's going to happen but I'm so excited because I'm not afraid. The changes I'm going to go through are going to be worth it because she means that much to me and she means even more to Jesus. So no matter how difficult some of our struggles may be we have hope and we believe in God's plan for our lives.

Unfortunately, Molly (my fiance) and I, like most people, have had a rough journey through life. We both come from homes built on a foundation of fear. We both stumbled through life by making multiple bad decisions, following our misguided emotions and for us hope was that dream you have a hard time remembering when you wake up. Eventually we hit the ground so hard there was nowhere else to look but up. We started following Jesus in our later teen years. I was 17 in 2003 and she was 19 in 2007. Before we were Christians we never thought we would be getting married. Jesus changed our perspective on love and through the Holy Spirit we understood the true meaning of our existence. To be loved and to love others. My life experiences and my relationship with Jesus have taught me that marriage is about loving your wife like Christ loves the church.

Our scars remind us of the journey that brought us both to this point. Our goal is that our marriage will continue to represent how Jesus takes something broken and makes it into something beautiful. The thing that makes us feel most loved is God's endless and unconditional pursuit for our hearts. Not having money, loosing jobs, physical illness, and even death is no longer something to be afraid of. We know that our home is not going to be built on the conditions our world puts on us. It will be built on the unfailing love of Jesus Christ.


1 John 4:16-19

"We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

   God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first."

Exclusivity kills the gospel

If you’re a parent of students in middle school then you can relate to the man that just left my office. He came through my door burdened and upset because of something that was happening with his 12-year-old daughter at church. This man has a story that would blow you away. Once chained down by addiction and anger but now free to obey the gospel of love and grace. He didn't look like your typical church goer. He was covered in tattoos, piercings, and sporting a “TAPOUT” shirt. Honestly, I get more uncomfortable around guys dressed in suits and ties so I felt at home with him.

He was upset because his daughter told him that other students bully her on Sunday morning. One recent incident was that she tried to sit next to some girls and they told her she couldn’t sit with them because they were saving that seat for someone else. So she got up and as time passed by no one else came to sit in the empty seat that she was sitting in.

She begs her dad to go to the main church gathering with him so she doesn’t have to go to our middle school gathering. She even used the word hate when she described her feelings toward our ministry. This father was broken hearted because his daughter hates the church that he loves so much. Our community is the community that God resourced to help shape him into a new man. What parent wouldn’t want that same thing for their daughter?

I’m the middle school director at my church and I talk with parents on a regular basis about the challenges that come with raising tweens. Parenting a middle school student can be very difficult. Most of the time parents just need to be encouraged and reminded of the changes that take place during the middle school years. I really enjoy my job and I get to have a lot of fun with my students. Along with the high energy and crazy amounts of fun comes an extreme amount of responsibility. It’s crucial that I work hard at creating a safe environment for these students to grow in their relationship with Jesus.

Here are some tips to help students who feel excluded from your ministry.

Make a personal connection

If I can make a personal connection with a student and let them know I value our relationship the student is more likely to stick around. It also shows the other students that are watching that this specific student is valuable to me. Most students don’t ignore each other on purpose they just get uncomfortable around people they don’t know. When they see me connect with this student it will seem much less intimidating for them to connect without me around.

Encourage a peer connection

When we can connect students to other students in a way that builds a friendship then we have just braved one of the biggest battles in middle school ministry. Most students have established their friend group as a safety net or they have very few to no friends. Creating an environment in which peers can connect with new students on a regular basis and feel safe enough to not be judged by their regular friend group is a huge win in middle school ministry. Exclusivity will prevent the gospel from being experienced in our ministries. The more inclusive our students can be the better.

Cast the vision to your students and leaders

Always keep the mission in front of the students and leaders. Live it, breath it, plant the seeds and keep watering them, because the vision will fade if you don’t. The more you model it for your team and your students the more they will buy into it. One thing that no one can ever argue with is results. Do you believe that the vision you preach is important? Then prove it. Do you believe it will bring results? Then let the results speak to them. Be the change that you wish to see. If people aren't telling you that you talk about it too much then you don't talk about it enough.

Parents: It’s OK to give them time away

This particular student wanted to attend the main gathering with her father. Sometimes students just need time to process and be in a place where they feel safe. It’s not with us right now but the reality is that a loving parent is always the best spiritual leader for a student. This is an awesome opportunity for the parents to connect with their students and show them they’re not uncomfortable spending time together in an adult setting. The best youth pastors in the world can’t out impact a parent.  Regardless if they want to go to church or not we should be firm with what we think is best and give them time to process things.