Moved with compassion

This morning at church an 8^th grade girl came up to me while I was playing a game of pool. She asked me if I could talk to her when I had a chance. I took that very seriously because in the middle school world they never ask. They just talk. At least after they warm up to you. Parents would be embarrassed if they knew what their tweens have disclosed to me in random conversations. But this student asked first. This was her way of telling me that she has something very important to discuss. I got the vibe that she didn’t want to make it seem obvious to the other students. So I finished my game of pool and I went directly downstairs to her usual hangout spot in the computer room.

I pulled up a chair next to “Tanya” (not her real name) and she started to tell me about a friend of hers. Her friend always gets harassed at school for being overweight. Other kids call her names and draw mean pictures of her on the inside of their textbooks. She told me that her friend would cry when they would talk about it. Tanya had this look in her eye like she was about to tear up just telling me about it. So then came a question youth pastors dream about hearing a student ask. She asked me what Jesus wanted her to do to help her friend understand how much He loves her. WOW, now that’s a major win in middle school ministry. I had been rehearsing this conversation for years. While prepping for messages, during small groups, and while planning for every service project my hope is that students would start to ask this question “What does Jesus want me to do about this”. So let me share how I navigated this conversation with Tanya and hopefully when you are having these types of conversations this will come in handy. 

Affirmation is key. Students at this age are just starting to take compassion to the next level. Most of the time compassion is experienced but it’s never lead to action. All parents and youth workers need to start identifying these moments in our student’s lives. It actually starts earlier than middle school but we have a hard time noticing because they can’t articulate it that well at all. Compassion is shrugged off to an extent. Sometimes kids cry because of compassion and we don’t even know it because we are not tuned in to their hearts enough. During the middle school years you can really tell who has been encouraged to be compassionate and who has been conditioned to think it’s weak. So the first thing I did was affirm her compassionate heart as something Jesus is very, very, pleased with. It may make her sad, just like it does me, but it’s a very good thing to feel for those in pain. Always affirm your students and identify the Spirit’s work in their lives no matter how big or small.

Celebrate. After I told her how she felt was normal and good I said thank you. I told her the truth. Most students Tanya’s age don’t understand compassion because it makes them sad and they think that’s weak. Remind students that compassion is essential for following Jesus. I thanked her for being brave enough to ask me what Jesus wants her to do.

The challenge to follow Jesus. These conversations are cool because students actually care about what you’re going to tell them. Always challenge them to keep working out what Jesus has put on their hearts. For example, I shared a few different ways Tanya could respond to her friend. I also shared some information on “verbal bullying” which students, and unfortunately teachers, tend to look over in school because it appears that nobody is really getting hurt. I crushed that lie as soon as I could. Always challenge them to keep following Jesus, whatever the cost, because it's the only way to really meet the deepest needs of those around us. 

No jargon please. At this point in the conversation you have to trust the Holy Spirit to give you the right words to say. Make sure you give them advice they can put into practice and not youth pastor jargon. "Pray about it" is probably only valid 25% of the time we use it. Put your 20-40 hours a week of prayer, study, planning, training, and understanding teens to good use. Ok, so I know we can’t realistically put ALL of our time there but you know what I mean.

Anyway, I love watching these God moments unfold before my eyes. I hope this is helpful to you and that you enjoyed reading my blog. Please help me by continuing the conversation on middle school ministry by leaving comments below. Thanks!