youthpastor.in.transit

I'm a youth pastor and I'm currently in my second transition. I left my first position as a full-time paid intern because the 2 year contract I signed was up. I consider this a legit position because I was leading and giving oversight to the high school ministry at one of the church's multisite campuses. At the end of my contract a position was available for full-time but I didn't get hired for it. It was clear to me, after I had a number of discussions with leadership, that this decision was hard for them. I respect them for putting in the prayer and making a challenging call.

This time around my transition is much different. I was hired as a full-time middle school director. Not many churches have the resources to hire a full-time position for middle school so this gives you an idea of my current church's size. After 1 year here I felt a strong call from God that my time was coming to an end. This transition is extremely difficult because I need to respond to God's call and make the hard decision this time.

There are a lot of things we have to navigate when transitioning out of our positions. Here are some thoughts from a youth pastor in transition.

Leaving is hard

Leaving a position as a youth pastor can be extremely difficult. When working with students the investment is much more than pizza parties and chaperoning. In some cases we watch our students grow up from being hand fed spiritual milk to feeding themselves on a daily basis. Putting the growth of your current students into someone else's hands can feel like you are abandoning them. The highly relational nature of what youth pastors do always makes this process tough. Don’t try and make it easy. Let it be hard. Be honest with students about your concerns and use this as a teachable moment. Create messages in your last weeks about student leadership and challenge them to trust God with their future. Redeem this difficult moment into something full of Jesus, hope, and renewal.  

How do you leave?

I know that I have to do everything I can to help my students see that this decision is a calling. Before you leave over communicate that it’s not because of something the students did. Reinforce your love for the students and faith in God.

Leaving is an opportunity to cast vision for the future and empower others for ministry. If a leader has lead well then the transition should produce fruit. Good leaders have other very capable leaders under them that can sustain the responsibilities of the ministry until a permanent replacement is found. If you have been slacking on the investment you made in leaders it will show here. Make sure to invest in the leaders without asking them to do your job or the next guys job.

DO NOT THROW A PITTY PARTY! 
There is nothing worse than making this transition about us. God didn’t call us to ministry because we’re special. God has a plan for students regardless of who the leader is. We must make it a priority to help the students and the staff see our hope and faith in God. Encourage them in their faith and what God has planned for them. People may want to throw a pity party for you but those parties have to be crashed with hope and positive reinforcement.   

We are not in control of how people react
Sometimes people can be the driving force behind why we do what we do. We love the students God has put under our care. It’s obvious that we have invested in them with our blood, sweat, and tears. In my case that is literally true. We have to be prepared for any responses that may come from others. Sometimes the responses from students can be hurtful. If we have done the hard work of following Jesus then we know our decision, although it’s a good decision, may not make sense to a lot of people. We have to be understanding and display the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. We are in control of how we respond. Create space so that you have extra time to respond to what’s going on rather than react in the chaos. Always communicate truth with grace.

           

Fight the temptation to check out early

God has called us to ministry for a reason. We have been given a responsibility to take care of those students. Have faith that God will take care of things like, where you will move to, and how this will affect finances. We will rarely get disappointed by doing our best and taking it one step at a time. It seems impossible to give your best if you are focused on yourself and not God. Keep your eyes on the work at hand. God will prepare the next place for you. 

Prayer and fasting

This spiritual discipline is one of the few things that Jesus actually commands us to do. We learn from Jesus that going away to pray and fast builds a stronger relationship with God. (Mark 1:35) Prayer and fasting is an act of surrender and respect, it's an invitation into the heart, and it's an offering of our will to be directed by God, it provides new discovery and opportunities. Without it we fight for air as the waves toss us around in a sea of fear and anxiety. I know this may sound like an obvious thing for a Christ follower to do but the truth is that prayer and fasting should be a regular part of our lives. Make sure you pray and you fast about this extremely important change in your life and the lives of those around you.

Thanks for reading my blog.
Are you in transition? I would love feedback. Thanks!

This one goes out to all my Benjamin's... you'll be missed

I'm a graduate form Bible College. For those of you that know anything about private christian colleges you know that they can be really expensive. This is not a post about how frustrated I am that the "Church" is sending students into the mission field with an average of $30,000 in debt. I'm only telling you this because the high cost of my education played a part in my current financial mess. This post is about finances in general. I never thought I would be blogging about finances but due to the nature of my situation I have been forced to learn a few things. So let me share some things I have learned along the way.

First I will begin by taking ownership of my bad choices. My first year of college I had no idea what I was getting into when I signed for some of those loans. I didn't realize that I would need to make this decision again next year as well. And I know I wasn't thinking that it would take me 7 years to finish school. By the way interest really builds when you do that so be careful! The reality is that I'm in major debt at 26 and I will probably be paying these loans off for the next 15-20 years of my life. I have a wedding coming up around the corner and I really want to be able to provide for my family so this is hard to stomach. Although it seems heavy at times hope is rising and God proves faithful everyday of my life. So I will continue to take it one step at a time and remind myself that His Grace is truly amazing.

Here are some resources that have helped me get my financial life back on track.

Simple Life
This is a book written by the same author of Simple Church. After Simple Church was so successful Thom Rainer thought that the same principals for creating a focused mission in our churches could be applied to our personal lives as well. Finances along with God, time management,  and relationships are all discussed in this book. It can be a little redundant at times but it's a great way to look at how finances fit into our mission in life as Christians.

Mint.com
This free online service has been a huge resource when it comes to organizing my spending and hammering down on a budget. Not only do you get to create a budget but you get to sync it up with all of you bank accounts, investments, and loans. It is a one stop shop for keeping an eye on your financial status. A feature I love is the automatic e-mail notifications I get when I'm getting close to going over my budget that month. Another feature I absolutely love is how mint.com keeps track of your spending trends. This is valuable for me when I need to make adjustments in my budget because I can see where I spend my money and evaluate any changes that need to be made in spending habits. So far in 2011 I spent an average of $175 a month on eating out, yikes! Even with the awesomeness of being able to have all your financial info in one place there is a weakness. When you make transactions they automatically show up on your mint account but sometimes they are recognized or identified in the wrong budget they should be in. For example I went out to eat at a place called "The Energy Station" and mint.com identified that transaction as a "Utilities" expense. So there is a little bit of maintenance you will have to do to make sure your numbers are coming out accurately.

Credit Karma
I just discovered this so if you know anything about it please share the wealth. Credit Karma is a "FREE" site that helps you track your credit score. I am still learning what other features it offers but the bottom line is keeping track of your credit score is essential. You have to make sure that number is as high as possible because if it's low not many lenders are going to approve you because you're considered high risk. If you plan on buying a home or making any other investments that require borrowing money then keep track of your credit score.

Binksty
The mission behind Binksty is to help college graduates manage and effectively pay off their student loans. This online service has not gone public yet. I signed up to beta test the site and they actually contacted me to be a guinea pig for it. So far it is pretty basic. It puts all of your student loans into one place and gives you some helpful information on how to manage your student debt. I like this site because the main purpose isn't all finances but it's focused on student loans. It seems like the guys/girls at Binksty are dedicated to helping fix the long term issues with student debt in our country. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

Dave Ramsey
This guy is great. Financial Peace University is a great resource to look into. Although Ramsey has some great resources on purely financial subjects my favorite resource is his podcast called EntreLeadership. The focus is leadership and something I've learned is that my financial life wont change for the better if I'm not invested in becoming a better leader or more importantly a better follower of Jesus. As a Christian I know that all truth is God's truth, so if it's true then it's Holy. EntreLeadership gives me a lot of truth when I listen to it. His podcast has really helped me think through some leadership goals that have had a huge impact on my character as well as my finances. Highly recommended.

If you took the time to read this post I really appreciate it! It's always cool to have the ability to start conversations with people all over the world. So now it's your turn. If you have any knowledge at all on the subject of finances please don't hold it in. Share the resources you think would be helpful for some of us rookies to check out. Thanks!

Death is a new beginning

In about 45 minutes I'm going to be teaching my students about death. There has been a tragic accident recently involving a good friend of mine from High School. He was on his honeymoon taking a helicopter ride with his wife and the helicopter crashed and they both died. Two other deaths that people very close to me are dealing with has inspired me to teach on this topic. The reality is that every student will have to face this issue in their lives. Eventually someone close to them will die and it will pave the way for hard questions. I hope that this lesson will teach my students that Jesus is someone they can go to when this happens.

The BIG IDEA this morning is that Jesus turns death into life. As Gungor expresses it in their new album "When death dies, all things live"

If you are a youth pastor how often do you teach on death?
I would love to know how you approach this with your students. Especially the middle school students.

God, thank you for puppies

I was just thinking about my job as a middle school youth pastor and how thankful I am for it. I wrote this last Thanksgiving. I’m not sure why I didn’t put it on my blog but here you go.

We recently did an exercise in our Middle School ministry called stations of thankfulness. Students were asked to stop at three different stations set up around our youth auditorium. One was a table covered with scrabble pieces that they were asked to construct a word that represented what they were most thankful for in life. This was cool because they would connect their words to other words that their peers made. The second station was a wall covered with mirrors. The students were asked to look at the mirror and instead of picking something that is on the outside to be thankful for they were challenged to give thanks for something involving their character. Then they would get to use their artistic genes and write it, or draw a representation of it, on a mirror using dry erase markers. The last station was a simple set up of chicken wire with a 2x4 attached at each end. The students are asked to write down something that they are thankful for on a post it note or small piece of paper. Then they thank God, fold it up and place it in one of the holes in the chicken wire.

Middle School students are very simple minded, most of the time. Some of the responses I received were innocent and naive. For example: “My Kitten” “My XBOX 360” and “Facebook” were all represented multiple times. More than anything else they wrote down the names of their friends. No surprise there. But as I was taking down some of the notes from the Chicken Wire wall I read one that took me by surprise. It read “I am thankful for my successful surgeries”. These notes were very deep and moving. Our Middle School students have really blown me away over the past four months.

Middle School ministry is often overlooked as a true disciple-making ministry. Because of where they are in adolescent development, their inward focused mind is being challenged to think outside of the “Me Monster”. How often do we get from step 1 to step 5 in life by jumping over steps 2-4? In life, and to be more specific, in biology things don’t work that way.

So while my students are thankful for friends, family, a house, food, water, xbox, and puppies. I am thankful for middle school ministry and the opportunity I get to see them grow. 

weight, weigh-ins, and wings

Food has played a huge role in my life. I can remember being overweight up until my freshman year of high school. All the other students would make fun of me and call me names like "doughboy". My parents got a divorce right after my Dad got into a diving accident and became paralyzed. Going outside and playing catch wasn't something I ever got to do with my Dad. When I would visit him I always remember eating food. Watching TV and cooking together was what we did most. Our favorite game show was Press Your Luck and he made me watch ConAir with him like a zillion times. Before the accident my Dad actually worked at a few hotel restaurants as a chef so he taught me some cool recipes. We cooked and ate pasta like it was our job. Although we had a blast eating was a temporary comfort  when I was confused, depressed, or angry.

I remember hitting my growth spurt going into my freshman year of high school. This was my third year on the freshman football team because they didn't have weight limits. Look, I was fat, I tried to make weights one year but I couldn't loose the weight. The process a fat kid has to go through at weigh-ins for the younger athletic associations is embarrassing. I was wearing a garbage bag and running laps around the football field before we got on the bus to leave. On the bus ride there I was encouraged to throw up in a garbage can as much as possible. Then when we get there every student in the league is looking at you, not just your team, all of them point and laugh at the fat kid that couldn't stop stuffing his face in the off-season. Then the last part was the worst. I had to strip down to my underwear and wait in line with all the other kids. All that to step on a scale and hear the sound of metal clanging up and down. The guy holding the clipboard looked at me like I didn't have a chance. So I played on the freshman team from 7th-9th grade because I made a promise that I would never put myself through that again.

When I hit my freshman year I lost weight, got faster, and I started playing middle linebacker on defense. People started noticing me more in school and it felt great. Even though my social life started to improve food still played a huge role in my daily routine. I never really stopped eating like I normally did. Food when from a comfort for depression to a celebration for pride. My first taste of this was when I discovered the mouth watering part of a chicken called the wing. Wing night at the lighthouse was something I looked forward to every week. I once entered a wing eating contest and devoured 74 wings.  Eating became a social event and it was awesome.

The big idea behind me sharing this is that eating can become an idol. Regardless of weight, or the more sensitive term "girth", we can make food an idol. It has nothing to do with weight. Food is an essential to life which makes depending on it easy and dangerous. We need to be careful not to let our taste buds and stomachs deceive us into false worship. Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. When does eating food become a sin? When do you go from eating to committing a deadly sin? Where is the line?

To be continued...

Molly and Dan get engaged

Last night was amazing. After five months of finding God's time for this I finally got down on one knee. After 5 months of thinking this over I would say I was confident in my game plan. It all unfolded last night as we showed up to community group at 7:45pm. Every Wednesday night Molly usually drives to my place and we hang out before we go to community group together. Molly claimed I was acting strange but she had no clue. As we approach a sign on the front door that said "come in" Molly still didn't catch on. As we walked into a dark foyer she started to stutter step. They hit the lights as she enters the house and there are 20 of our closest friends standing around her. 16 of them were on the staircase.

Watch this video to see the rest.

Also, the signs that everyone is putting over Molly's head all signify something special about our relationship.

Once again... it was all so perfect. Thanks everyone. :) 

What’s Different About Middle School?

I found this on a website for PBS kids. If you work with Tweens then this may be a helpful resource. I added the section in italics. 

What’s Different About Middle School?

At first, middle school may seem like a mysterious place full of strangers and surprises. Here are some of the most common changes you'll be facing:

More Work!

Teachers in middle school often view their students as young adults. This means that your assignments and tests will be more challenging. In addition to your nightly dose of homework, you may also have papers and exams for the first time. The workload may seem overwhelming, but your teachers will most likely understand that you and your classmates are making an adjustment. If you feel that they don't understand this and you're having trouble with the amount of work expected of you, make sure you bring it up with a parent or school counselor.

Making Friends

You will have plenty of opportunities to make new friends in middle school. In elementary school you might have had the same friends for as long as you could remember but in middle school you will have a chance to interact with more students. Making new friends may not be as easy as it sounds so here are some tips to help you along the way.

1.   Trust God. You may face pressure to find a group of friends early. Be careful not to rush into it. Don’t let those anxious feelings force you to try and impress kids for the wrong reasons. Let God show you which kids would make really good friends before you start hanging out with them. Make middle school about having the best friends not the most friends.

2.   Be you! You don’t need to pretend to be like anyone else. At times you may think being yourself isn’t good enough to make friends but that's not true. If you don’t know exactly who you are yet that’s OK. Even though they may not say it out loud other students are going through the same thing as you.

3.   Don’t Get Discouraged. Sometimes it’s hard to make friends because everyone is different in middle school. If you start to feel lonely or depressed don’t be afraid to get help. Talk to your parents, a teacher, guidance counselor, or an adult you trust about how you feel.

4.   Bully Prevention. Bullying is a serious issue. If you’re being bullied or you see it happen to someone else let a teacher or an adult know immediately. Unfortunately, middle school comes with bullies so please help prevent this by keeping the adults aware.  

The A-B-C's


Back in elementary school, your teachers may have graded you with marks like "check plus," "excellent," or a number scale. Now that you're in middle school, chances are that you'll be graded with the letter system: A, B, C, D, or F. There are also in-between grades like "A-", "C+," etc. This system may feel more competitive, and you might find yourself and your classmates comparing grades. Remember that your grades are your own business, and if sharing them makes it seem like you're in some kind of contest with other students, or generally makes you feel bad about how you're doing, keep them to yourself. Also, remember to talk to your teacher, parent, or school counselor if you feel you're being graded unfairly.

The Big Lock-Up


Most likely, the hallways of your middle school are lined with lockers, and one of them will be your very own "home base" during the day. Instead of lugging your stuff around in one bag, or stashing it in a classroom desk or cubby, you now have a place to store everything safely. The best part about your locker: being able to decorate it with photos, drawings, magazine clippings, and anything else that makes it feel like you. The worst part? Sometimes, students end up with a locker next to somebody who picks on them. Most schools will let you switch lockers if this, or anything else about your locker location, gets to be a problem.

Library Heaven!

Chances are, your middle school library is bigger and better than the one at your old school. Many middle school libraries have more than just books -- they might also have computers, video stations, and other forms of media to help you learn. They're great locations for doing homework, studying for tests, and gathering research for papers.

On Schedule


A different class, in a different room, every hour? Different classes on different days? Yikes! No doubt about it: the middle school "class schedule" can seem pretty hairy at first. You'll probably have it down in no time, but new buildings and new routines are confusing for everyone. If you have trouble finding something, or keeping track of where you have to be, speak up! Your teachers, counselors, and other school staff are there to help.

Bye Bye Recess


In elementary school, recess was probably your favorite part of the day, right? So how will you survive without it? You'll most likely have a lunch period, "study hall," or "nutrition period" to relax or work on some class assignments with friends.

Extra-Curriculars


Here's one of the best parts about middle school: the chance to get involved in after-school sports, clubs, and activities. From football to field hockey, from drama club to school yearbook, these "extra-curriculars" are a great way to make friends, explore new interests, and, of course, have lots of fun.

Let me know what you think and feel free to keep adding. It would be cool if we could put our heads together to educate Tweens on the mystery of middle school before they arrive. 

Here is the reference if you want to check it out.

http://pbskids.org/itsmylife
Copyright © 2005 CastleWorks, Inc. All rights reserved.

Relationships can be amazing

My girlfriend and I have an amazing relationship. We both communicate with each other on a regular basis. We both share the same heartbeat for others. We both love kids and see our future being dedicated to investing in them. We share a similar past and we can relate to each other’s feelings. We have a strong connection and we are responsive to each other. We can look into each other’s eyes and be satisfied beyond our imagination. Our conversations are rich and we actually enjoy listening to each other speak. We are not perfect at all. I would even be comfortable saying that we have more problems than most people. The best part about all of this is that we have nothing to do with how this is working so well. This relationship has been organic in nature since day one. Our paths crossed and we just clicked.

I think that one reason our relationship is so good is because we know who we are. We have individual lives and we love the people God has shaped us into. We don’t expect very much from each other. Ten years ago this concept would have been crazy to me because relationships were all about being together. Girls would cling but never be satisfied and I would make demands but never got want I really wanted. After a couple of heartbreaks I realized that relationships are not about having attachments to people. Relationships are about being able to relate with someone that is not like you. Caring about the things you never cared about, learning the things you never thought you would learn, understanding the needs of someone you never expected to fulfill, relating and truly caring about someone no matter how different, these are the foundation to a good relationship. The best thing about us is that we can balance our lives individually and together. God has blessed us with an understanding that his grace is the source of our relationship and without it we would be drowning in a sea of unfulfilled expectations and demands.

I'm so thankful for Molly and how much she loves being God’s masterpiece. I love you babe ;)! 

Out of these ashes, we will rise

I have been supporting a friend through his struggle with depression. Let me tell you that this has been difficult for me. I want to give him my perspective on what he needs to do but the truth is that I’m not a counselor and I’m not trained to know what he needs right now. I really want him to have hope and get better so when he doesn’t seem to be making progress I can get frustrated at times. I’m a pastor so I give him my perspective on God and what God thinks about him. As long as I stay focused on being helpful and not being the one that helps him I think it will be more helpful. I have to realize that it's not my job to change him but I can be changed.

I always try to remind myself of the good things before we get together. I’m going to try and keep his mind off of depression and on the positive things in life. I believe through encouragement, love, time, laughter, smiles, and prayer God will draw him closer in and turn his depression into joy.

Have you ever been down the road of depression?
If someone walked you through depression what did that person do that was helpful?
If you have been where I am what tips do you have for me?

Philippians 4:8-9

“Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

Good Grief

We are bad at letting grief take its course. The process of grieving can be very uncomfortable. Who wants to feel the pain or face the realities that it brings? Death is probably the one thing that causes this to surface most. Death is a reality that we would love to emotionally avoid but we can’t. It’s easy to rationalize the pain away for most things that go wrong in life but death slaps you in the face when you try to ignore it. Like a bully taunting you to fight he wont back off. You can’t pretend anymore. This post is about the reality of grief and the benefits of its punches.

In Judaism they funeral process is a weeklong mourning period for the close relatives of the deceased. The Hebrew word "shiva" means "seven", and the official shiva period is seven days. On day seven, shiva generally ends in the morning and the community walks the mourners around the block. Those who are grieving would sit on low stools, or even the floor, symbolic of the emotional reality of being "brought low" by the grief.

When visiting someone grieving no greetings are exchanged and visitors wait for the mourners to initiate conversation out of respect. If they don’t talk then the visitors remain silent. Once engaged in conversation by the mourners, it is appropriate for visitors to talk about the deceased, sharing stories of his or her life. Upon leaving the shiva house, visitors recite a traditional phrase: "May Heaven comfort you”.

Have you ever sat shiva with someone you love?

I love my girlfriend so much. I’m not even going to try and explain this because no words could do justice. I’m walking with her through a grieving process right now. Here is a description of our first interaction since finding out that her stepfather passed away.

As I walked in the diner I noticed her eyes were a little red and she looked really tired. I can tell it must have been a rough night for her. Her stepfather just passed away less than 24 hours ago. We had talked over the phone but I knew the first face-to-face interaction would be emotional. We didn’t even look at the menus for more than 20 seconds before both of us looked up at each other. My eyes actually started watering before her eyes. We felt it, both of us. We were grieving together and we didn’t even have to speak a word. As I placed my hand on top of hers I could tell. I knew in my heart that she felt pain, loss, confusion, uncertainty, and exhaustion. I didn’t say anything because there was nothing to say. We sat in silence.  

If you’re like me you want to avoid that awkward feeling like the plague. Something I’m learning through this experience is that you have to let it take its course. Grief will scream at you in the silence but you have to let it. The most comforting thing during grief is to know that you’re not alone. So just sit. If they fall to the ground, fall with them. If they want to talk, listen and be responsive to them. If they just want you around be there. NEVER make sense of their grief through your experience and perspective. Just sit. Let them go through shiva and your presence will comfort their grief.