Tell me who you really are

I recently had breakfast with someone I’m trying to build a strong relationship with. We’re very different and we have very different stories. The way that he lives his life is different than they way I live mine. His choices are made based off of different priorities than mine. He tells me that I’m doing things in the wrong way all the time. When he says things like “I know what that’s like” or “trust me I have been there”, he never tells me a story about it. I'm usually leaving these conversations guessing how it went.

On the flipside I had an amazing conversation with a pastor a couple weeks ago. We talked about our life stories and what makes us so passionate about ministry. It was encouraging to talk with someone who shared the same heartbeat as I do. His eyes watered up after sharing how the grace of Jesus changed his life forever. We were very vulnerable with each other. I felt like I could really trust him.

What are your conversations with Jesus like? Trust can be the biggest hindrance for us when it comes to experiencing the fullness of life that Jesus promises. Can Jesus be trusted? If you haven’t given him the chance to tell you his story then you may never know. Here are a couple things I have learned from my conversations with Jesus.

Conversation with Jesus helps build trust because he has experienced everything we have. No matter how much your heart has been broken his has been broken more. Whatever the degree of temptation or severity of brokenness you are dealing with, even in the face of innocence, Jesus has been there. Jesus has enough personal experiences that he could intimately connect with every person that ever lived. Jesus has a story that can change your life forever.

Conversation with Jesus helps build trust because Jesus knows everything about us. Because he knows everything about us he has the ability to speak to our hearts in the darkest places. It’s easy to think that someone as Holy as Jesus would never want to be around someone as twisted and messed up as you. By the way you’re welcome for the confidence boost. Prayer will change you because it proves that Jesus’ love is unconditional. Jesus knowing everything about you is a good thing and it draws you closer to him. It never pushes you further away from him.

Be honest with God and let His love bring you back to life.

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

“What were you thinking” was a response I was very familiar with. I’ve had so many “what were you thinking” moments it would be impossible to count them.

When I was in elementary school my family lived in an apartment. I can’t remember why but I was home alone. To make a long story short, while I was home alone, I started my training to become the fifth ninja turtle. One of my training drills was to master the art of throwing a Chinese star. There was only one problem. I was fresh out of Chinese stars. So I grabbed the next best thing, a sharp pair of scissors. My objective was to hit a couch pillow in the living room while standing in the kitchen. Due to the handicap of having scissors instead of Chinese stars my imaginary Sensei let me move closer to the pillow.

I had a solid 20 minutes of practice before the thought of consequences had crossed my mind. So I flipped the pillow over to hide the evidence but it wasn’t long before I was busted. I can still hear my mom say, “Danny, what were you thinking”. To tell you the truth I wasn’t. I was also a 4^th grader at home alone. Mom, what were YOU thinking?

Anyway... It was actually a news article that inspired me to write this. Click here to see it.

At a local shopping mall in Lithonia, Georgia hundreds of people were waiting in line for hours to be owners of the newest pair of Nike retro Air Jordan’s. The “Nike Air Jordan Concords” were selling for $180. Only a limited number get sent to each store so if they run out then you wont get a pair. Police were there at 4am to keep the crowd under control. The morning resulted in a busted mall door and the police making several arrests. One of them was a young mother of two children who left her 5 and 2 year old in the car while she waited in line.

The same question has to be scrolling through all of our minds.

“What were you thinking”?

There is something very wrong when shoes are valued over our children.


  

My last message

Tonight I gave my last message as the middle school director for BranchCreek Community Church. Preparing for this message was easy because I had so much I wanted to say. Let me rephrase that, so much still needed to be said.

I now realize that those lessons will no longer be shared by me. I knew this was coming. Isn't this what it should feel like?I thought to myself "but I'm not done." I will never be done. Sharing the truth about Jesus with middle schoolers has become an absolute joy for me. I have repeated the statement "I can't see myself doing anything else" so many times in the last year because I mean it. No matter where I am I will be sharing the good news of Jesus with middle school students.

I have never thought of myself as a great teacher and I still don't. I mean, I really don't. Because I'm not one. So to my surprise, my small group leaders, who have been listening to me teach for the past year and a half, tell me that they are really going to miss my teaching. They said that I really bring the message in a way that helps them talk about the "BIG IDEA" in small groups. 

I really appreciated the flattering comments but I had to assure them that my teaching skills had nothing to do with it. All I do is relay His message through how he changes my life, step by step, everyday. I assured them that whoever comes after me will be different and probably better than me. As long as he brings the good news with him. His good news is all that matters and if I leave my leaders and students with my messages and not His message I have failed as a teacher.

Don't get me wrong I think teaching is extremely important and I work hard at getting better. As should everyone in anything they do in life. But what really keeps the students engaged in the "BIG IDEA" of a lesson is that adults are investing the time to talk to them about it. In my eyes, small group leaders will always be the most important piece to student ministry. The words I share don't mean anything until my small group leaders breath life into them by the way they care for their students.

A direct quote from Barb Malanga (7th grade girls small group leader) "I don't give up my Tuesday night to just talk about nail colors and hair. I give up my Tuesday night to share the love of Jesus with my girls. I love them that much."

I was blessed with some amazing small group leaders this year and I have full confidence that Jesus will do greater things through them when I go.

Moved with compassion

This morning at church an 8^th grade girl came up to me while I was playing a game of pool. She asked me if I could talk to her when I had a chance. I took that very seriously because in the middle school world they never ask. They just talk. At least after they warm up to you. Parents would be embarrassed if they knew what their tweens have disclosed to me in random conversations. But this student asked first. This was her way of telling me that she has something very important to discuss. I got the vibe that she didn’t want to make it seem obvious to the other students. So I finished my game of pool and I went directly downstairs to her usual hangout spot in the computer room.

I pulled up a chair next to “Tanya” (not her real name) and she started to tell me about a friend of hers. Her friend always gets harassed at school for being overweight. Other kids call her names and draw mean pictures of her on the inside of their textbooks. She told me that her friend would cry when they would talk about it. Tanya had this look in her eye like she was about to tear up just telling me about it. So then came a question youth pastors dream about hearing a student ask. She asked me what Jesus wanted her to do to help her friend understand how much He loves her. WOW, now that’s a major win in middle school ministry. I had been rehearsing this conversation for years. While prepping for messages, during small groups, and while planning for every service project my hope is that students would start to ask this question “What does Jesus want me to do about this”. So let me share how I navigated this conversation with Tanya and hopefully when you are having these types of conversations this will come in handy. 

Affirmation is key. Students at this age are just starting to take compassion to the next level. Most of the time compassion is experienced but it’s never lead to action. All parents and youth workers need to start identifying these moments in our student’s lives. It actually starts earlier than middle school but we have a hard time noticing because they can’t articulate it that well at all. Compassion is shrugged off to an extent. Sometimes kids cry because of compassion and we don’t even know it because we are not tuned in to their hearts enough. During the middle school years you can really tell who has been encouraged to be compassionate and who has been conditioned to think it’s weak. So the first thing I did was affirm her compassionate heart as something Jesus is very, very, pleased with. It may make her sad, just like it does me, but it’s a very good thing to feel for those in pain. Always affirm your students and identify the Spirit’s work in their lives no matter how big or small.

Celebrate. After I told her how she felt was normal and good I said thank you. I told her the truth. Most students Tanya’s age don’t understand compassion because it makes them sad and they think that’s weak. Remind students that compassion is essential for following Jesus. I thanked her for being brave enough to ask me what Jesus wants her to do.

The challenge to follow Jesus. These conversations are cool because students actually care about what you’re going to tell them. Always challenge them to keep working out what Jesus has put on their hearts. For example, I shared a few different ways Tanya could respond to her friend. I also shared some information on “verbal bullying” which students, and unfortunately teachers, tend to look over in school because it appears that nobody is really getting hurt. I crushed that lie as soon as I could. Always challenge them to keep following Jesus, whatever the cost, because it's the only way to really meet the deepest needs of those around us. 

No jargon please. At this point in the conversation you have to trust the Holy Spirit to give you the right words to say. Make sure you give them advice they can put into practice and not youth pastor jargon. "Pray about it" is probably only valid 25% of the time we use it. Put your 20-40 hours a week of prayer, study, planning, training, and understanding teens to good use. Ok, so I know we can’t realistically put ALL of our time there but you know what I mean.

Anyway, I love watching these God moments unfold before my eyes. I hope this is helpful to you and that you enjoyed reading my blog. Please help me by continuing the conversation on middle school ministry by leaving comments below. Thanks!

Where I will be in January

If you would like to know what church I'm transitioning to in January you can check out the website here.

This video is also a cool way to get to know Living Word. It spoke to my heart and I hope it will encourage you as well.

Cardboard Testimonies - November 2011 from Living Word Community Church on Vimeo.

This is what Living Word is all about. Just in case you didn't feel like checking out the website I copy and pasted the mission statement for you. Molly and I are really excited for our future there. :)

OUR MISSION: Living Word is a grace-filled community where the messiness of life, the message of hope,  and the beauty of Jesus converge.

Yo momma is so nice...she does everything

I stopped at Dunkin Donuts on the way to the office this morning. I was really craving a sausage egg and cheese croissant and mint hot chocolate. As I was parking I noticed a mom two spaces away from me. She was getting her daughter out of a car seat. I ordered my sandwich and as I was waiting I noticed that same woman carrying her daughter up to the counter. She ordered coffee and donuts and obviously they were ready before my sandwich was done. She headed back out to her van as I waited for another minute or so. I got my sandwich and headed straight for my car because I was in a hurry. ThenI paused for a second after I noticed this mom still buckling her daughter into the car seat. I was already leaving the parking lot and she isn't even sitting in her car yet.

Why did I share that? Because mom's need recognition. She was there before me to get something that normally would have taken her seconds. How is she is leaving Dunkin Donuts after me? Because she can't care about herself alone. Thank you mom that helped remind me of all the unselfish things you do everyday. Much love!

Please leave a message after the beep Part 2

In the Gospel of Mark chapter 5 we read two stories. In one story we read that Jesus heals a demon-possessed man and in the other story we read that Jesus heals a woman and raises a girl from the dead. Both stories have something in common. After Jesus does something incredible he gives people instructions on what they should do. The instructions are if they should share what he has done with others or not.

At the beginning of chapter 5 we read that Jesus travels from the northwest side of the lake to the east side of the lake. The difference in locations here is key. The place that Jesus is at in the beginning of chapter 5 is somewhere in the region of Galilee. We don’t know for sure but we know they traveled to the other side and ended up in the region of the Gerasenes. Also known as the Decapolis. This is a region full of people that were not Jewish.

In the first story he casts out thousands of demons from one man and tells the man to go share this news with everyone. “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” Jesus is telling this man, who has just been given his life back, to go share it with his people. In this story he is in the Decapolis, a non-Jewish region. 

In the second story he tells everyone that saw him raise a girl from the dead to keep quiet about it. He tells them not to go tell this message to anyone else. In this story he is back in a Jewish region.

So why does Jesus tell the non-Jewish man to tell everyone he knows about him but he instructs the Jewish people to keep quiet?

I believe Jesus does this because the heart condition of the people sharing his message matters. 

The Jews would have taken what Jesus did and their hearts would have turned it into something its not. The Pharisees would probably want to kill him for making them look bad. The people would want to follow him because he can raise the dead. I wonder if the Jews in that room would have kept it a secret and thought about what it means for Jesus to actually be the Messiah, would it be possible that what they witnessed may have had a bigger impact on their hearts? Jesus is not about fame and power in the way most Jewish leaders were. This paints a brand new picture of the Messiah for those particular witnesses. He probably wanted this message to grow in their hearts before the thorns of the Pharisees choked it out in public.

On the other hand Jesus tells the demon-possessed man to share what happened with everyone. There was probably very little in this man’s heart that believed in a Messiah. Or at least he didn’t believe in the Jewish Messiah. The Jewish Messiah would have been exclusive but Jesus wasn't. On that day the demon-possessed man received a message from Jesus that was life changing. He probably thought to himself “my life was like hell but this man has given me a new life”. This is the kind of news that Jesus loves to spread. This is the message of the Gospel, the good news.

The condition of our heart matters when we share the message of Jesus Christ. Let’s never forget that none of us are worthy of the message of Jesus Christ. Not one person who ever lived can claim the message of God’s love like his son. We can only claim the message of life through the redemption of our messed up stories. We don’t deserve it. When our hearts accept the grace of Jesus Christ rather than trying to claim ownership of it we become messengers of His good news.

Is this not the message you want to leave with people? I sure do. 

Please leave a message after the beep

Before I left my last job all of my co-workers put together a gift for me. Each of them rolled up two small pieces of paper and tied them in twine. Then they placed them in an empty wine bottle. Like the ones you picture people stranded out at sea using to send out message's for help. One of the pieces of paper had something encouraging written on it, like something I did or said that they really appreciated. The other piece had something funny written on it, like a memory of me doing something embarrassing that gave everyone a good laugh. The messages in that bottle were very uplifting. I will never forget that amazing group of people I had the privilege of working with. 

When I was young someone close to me would be verbally abusive. She would tell me that I was a mistake. She would always yell at me for random things and I couldn’t figure out why. I felt like she always looked at me as an inconvenience. Like someone took a huge stamp with the word screw-up on it and put in on my forehead. She made me feel like it was hard to love a child like me. She left me with a message I wish I could forget.

One of my current co-workers always talks about health food. She was just explaining to me how to make this really healthy wrap filled with carrots, broccoli, and cabbage. I know, it sounds so yummy right? :) She loves it when you can make something really healthy and it tastes better than the stuff that’s not so healthy. I think she has been trying to send me these subliminal messages about how I need to start eating healthy or my life is going to be miserable. She laughs when I tell her I go to subway. It's funny because she is always coming in with these crazy foods I've never heard of for lunch. Sometimes they smell a little strange but I would be lying if I didn't say they usually tasted pretty good. It's undeniable that Julie loves to eat healthy because it shows through the way she lives. She is always sending a message of physical health and living well. 

Things you write down, things you say, and how you live your life always send messages to other people. These are just a few ways that happens. Everyday we make decisions to do things, say things, or type things that have weight in other peoples lives. 

Food for thought.

Leaving a good message is not all up to me. In my life I live for a message of love, grace, and forgiveness. I want others to have hope after being around me. Not because of what I've done but because of what Jesus Christ has done. My prayer is that when people read what I write, hear what I say, and see how I live, the message of hope in Jesus Christ is what they are lead to.

Have you ever taken the time to think through some of the messages you have left with other people?

Do you know what those messages are?

Do you know why you send those messages?

Are those the messages you want to send? Why or why not?