I'm 26 years old and I feel like I am reaching the point of being able to respond to life change rather than react to it. This helps because it gives me a time to brace myself. I have no clue whats going to happen. I used to brace myself like a child would when his abusive stepfather raises a hand to inflict pain. The restless feelings of never knowing when you will be safe can haunt you into an endless anxiety. There was a time when that was the only way I knew how to brace myself in the face of change, suffering, and the unknown.
Now I brace myself like a musician would before he goes on stage. The lights illuminate thousands of people waiting for you to do what you were made to do. There is a mixture of expectancy, excitement, and mystery in the air. No show is ever the same. It is so exciting to know that every decision I make will never be the same. I am learning that change, suffering, and the unknown is now another opportunity to play my music. Every song and every day is a new opportunity to be moved by what and who we love.
That is my never ceasing prayer. Jesus, please move me closer to understanding and experiencing the mystery's of life and love. Help me become a source of living water to this world. Cause living water to flow from my belly. Amen.
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